


to all the boys junho liked

by sincerelyhys



Category: Produce 101 (TV)
Genre: Developing Relationship, Falling In Love, Friendship/Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 18:05:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19381951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sincerelyhys/pseuds/sincerelyhys
Summary: There was nothing really special about Junho's life, or his love life, except for maybe the fact that he only felt butterflies when he likes someone.





	to all the boys junho liked

Cha Junho’s first love was Lee Eunsang.

Junho first met him when Eunsang transferred to their school during the second grade, and he was this smart chubby boy that had greasy hair and a smiley face. Junho was young then, and didn’t know yet what love was, not even when he was feeling it.

At first he thought he always wanted to be with Eunsang because he was cool, and he was funny, and Junho always had fun hanging around him. He was a great friend, and both of them shared the same interests in games, sports, and even toys. They grew up together as the years passed by, from grade 2 until they finished middle school; they were always in the same classes and had the same circle of friends.

Eunsang had this outgoing friendly type of personality with him despite not being too noisy or annoying, so he easily became popular as the years progressed within the school. Junho was average, he had decent grades and got along well with everyone but he wasn’t something stellar then, he was just a chubby boy that no one really put much attention to. Despite the change in the status quo, Eunsang still hung out with Junho. They were more or less best friends, their parents know them and they can hang out at each other’s’ houses overnight without being even questioned. They were really close, and it wasn’t something that they could just easily take away from them. They kind of came in a buy one take one package at this point. When there is Eunsang, there is a Junho. When there is a Junho, there is an Eunsang.

They were both in mid-grade school that Junho realizes that he has a crush on Eunsang. He had begun to also notice the presence of butterflies in him.

He only figured it out when their girl classmates had kept on confessing to Eunsang one by one, and he hoped that Eunsang would turn them down. He realized he didn’t want Eunsang to accept any of those confessions from those girls because he didn’t want Eunsang to like anybody, girl or boy for that matter.

As for the butterflies, he felt it when Eunsang puts an arm around him and calls him the best, or when Eunsang smiles at him and laughs on his lame jokes. When Eunsang stares at him and gives his entire focus on Junho, the butterflies in his stomach feel like escaping.  

He kept this secret from everyone, not even his closest friends like Changwook or Dongyun for the longest time.

He felt embarrassed at first, because aren’t guys supposed to love girls and vice versa? But here he likes Eunsang, and it was different. He liked him more than he wants them to be friends. He didn’t know how to deal with it so he kept it to himself, and stayed quiet like that. He didn’t want to ruin his friendship with Eunsang as well. It was like pouring things down the drain if he did it.

Eunsang would often ask him if he likes any girls, and Junho would shrug. Eunsang would laugh saying he’s so naïve and then proceed to talk about how he has a crush on this and that, and Junho’s stomach would churn in a weird way.

He realizes later on that it was jealousy, when Eunsang brings flowers one day to school, a few weeks before them finishing middle school, and gives it to Naeun, their classmate, after confessing that he likes her. Naeun likes him back—who doesn’t like Eunsang?—and they end up dating. Junho congratulates him when he brags about it to him, but deep inside he just wanted to die.

Junho cries, when no one is looking, alone in his room and under the blankets, because he was young and it hurt and he didn’t know any better.

* * *

Yunseong was a neighbor that moved in more or less 2 years back, and Junho was surprised to find out that he goes to the same high school Junho would be studying at.

He only found out about it because his mom mentioned that their Mrs. Hwang from next door had a son that goes to the same high school, and Junho had to think long and hard on who was she referring to.

Hwang Yunseong was two years older than him, so he was a junior already as Junho is an incoming freshman, and at the time, when Junho saw him mowing the lawn outside—he didn’t see if there was anything special about him.

Yunseong looked like an awfully quiet person, he had poor eyesight which was obvious with how thick his glasses were, and he was kind of tall. He wouldn’t really stand out in a group of people when you think of it, but Junho ends up observing him always.

He saw him at school with his friends, smiling and laughing a little with him, and sometimes in the library where Yunseong would have 5 books in front of him always. Junho doesn’t know if he should approach him or not, or if that being neighbors qualify for them to interact as they had never did in their entire lives.

Junho really, really wanted to be able to talk to him somehow, and it happened on the most random day because Yunseong knocked at their door at 6pm asking if they have a big pot because his mom was cooking and they fell short on the pots. Ever since then, they had been able to have a few exchanges, when they suddenly meet up on the bus stop, or when they end up walking home together because they schedules matched (Junho took note of that) or when their parents want them to do something.

For a while Junho forgot about his feelings for Eunsang (who was still a friend by the way) because he couldn’t stop thinking about Yunseong. The way Yunseong smiles shyly when Junho compliments him, or when he pats Junho on the head or when Yunseong goes out of his way to wait for Junho so they could go home together. It was something that came up from nothing, and Junho felt butterflies in his stomach just thinking about it. It was then undeniable, and Junho knew, that he harbored feelings for Yunseong.

He enjoyed Yunseong’s company, a lot that he always made possible ways for them to always spend time together. He asked him when they have an assignment that he knows Yunseong could help with, and Yunseong would actually come to their house just to teach him. His mom said Yunseong was a good and helpful hyung and he couldn’t agree more.

Things began to change between them when one of his classmates, Kang Minhee, had begun to openly express his interest with Yunseong. Minhee was one of the popular kids, not only because he was the richest among their peers but also because he was sociable and everybody liked him.

Junho watched from the sides as Minhee bought things for Yunseong, from cards to chocolates to flowers to gifts and watched him make love letters he slipped in Yunseong’s locker and talked to him in any chance he could get. Minhee even joined the dance club to be with Yunseong, and he was persistent.

He wasn’t really anything to Yunseong aside from being a neighbor and a friend, so he can’t even feel jealous when Yunseong stopped waiting for him outside and waited for Minhee instead, or when Yunseong sits with Minhee in the cafeteria instead of his usual friends. He couldn’t say a word when Yunseong goes to school one day holding hands with Minhee, and Yunseong greets him with a Hey Junho from where he’s standing by the door as he takes Minhee to class.

Junho thought that if he had taken the route Minhee did, would he have been in the same position as Minhee was that time? But he couldn’t imagine himself doing it either, so he felt like he and Yunseong were never really meant for anything.

Yunseong graduates from high school and being their neighbor, Junho gets to come to the celebration his parents put up for him. He ate there while Yunseong’s mom kept on telling stories about Yunseong. Minhee was there obviously, and he seemed to be accepted by Yunseong’s parents that they keep on doting on him.

Yunseong leaves for university a few weeks after, after giving Junho a proper goodbye, and that was that. Junho never told him, some things were better left unsaid.

* * *

Eunsang—still his bestfriend despite anything else—apparently figured it out, even without Junho telling.

Eunsang went to a different high school, but they never really lost contact. They talk every now and then, and Junho was too preoccupied with Yunseong that for a while he forgot about Eunsang.

He went home for the summer, and the first thing he did was jump on Junho’s bed to wake him up. To say Junho is happy is an understatement for what he felt upon seeing Eunsang, and it was the truth. Those past few days was kind of dull for him as he was sad (mostly because Yunseong and Minhee have practically announced they’re dating now, and that means Junho has yet again another failed romance that wasn’t even romance in the first place) and seeing Eunsang like that felt right.

They spend their days attached to the hip, and Junho can’t help but stare at Eunsang. He had lost the baby fat he had and is even more handsome now than Junho remembered him from. His smile is brighter and his eyes crinkle as he does it, and Junho feels it again, the butterflies that he thought he had caged up in his stomach. Eunsang’s smile always does it to him and it never fails.

He tells Eunsang one night, when they’re out walking and the only thing that they can hear is the zooming of cars in the highway.

_I like guys, Eunsang._

He says in a whisper, but loud enough for Eunsang to her. Eunsang hums, and nods.

“Okay. That’s cool.”

“That was so anticlimactic.” Junho laughs awkwardly and Eunsang shrugs.

“I mean, you’re still Junho. Nothing changes. You’re still my best friend. I kinda felt like you weren’t into girls anyway, but I didn’t say because I wanted to wait for you.”

Junho feels lighter after saying it out and with what Eunsang said, so he pushed it even farther.

“You were the first boy I liked.” He confesses, and Eunsang laughs.

“I feel honored.” Eunsang makes a wow face, and Junho hits him in the arm.

“Shut up Eunsang.”

“No really I do! Thank you for liking me.” He says in a softer note and Junho knows he means it.

“So are you gonna stop talking to me now because I just confessed to you?”

“Are you kidding? I’m gonna use this against you for the rest of our lives.”

“Now I’m starting to regret telling you—“

“—I’m just kidding! You’re still my bestest best friend in the entire universe Junho.” Eunsang stops walking and turns to face him. “I am sorry though, that I can’t give you the love you want, but I can give you an even better one in exchange. Nothing changes Junho. You’re still you. If people try to mess with you because of this then tell me and I’ll punch them in the face. I go to gym now you see—“

“Thanks Eunsang. This means a lot to me. I haven’t really even told anyone else except you.” He says and it’s true. He hasn’t told a single soul, but he felt like Eunsang should know because well, it’s Eunsang.

“Okay, now I’m even more honored. I feel like I have to treat you to food or something to get on your level—“

“I’m always down for free food and you know it—“

“But Junho.” Eunsang starts walking again and Junho trails after him.

“Hmm?”

“Thank you. For telling me this; and for liking me then.”

“I’ll like you always Eunsang.”

* * *

Junho and Eunsang get to study in the same university.

There, through a friend of a common friend, they meet Lee Sejin in one of the parties they attended to.

Sejin is older than him by 6 years, but is just still studying college now because he decided to go to the army first. Sejin is fun and nice to be around with; he never seems to run out of stories to tell and is kind to everyone. There isn’t any single thing to hate about him, not even if Junho tried probably. Junho and Eunsang are taking up Engineering and Sejin is majoring in Arts—but it didn’t feel like it was a big difference since he hung out at lot with them.

Eunsang had a new girlfriend—again—the moment they entered uni, so most of the time it was usually just him with Sejin. They spent an awful lot of time together, from making assignments and projects and hanging out in a coffee shop or arcade after classes. Sejin had this arts project thing where he makes these small fluffy things called Marimongs and sells them, and Junho often helped him with that. Sejin had made a personalized Marimong for Junho even, where he put Junho’s cologne on it so it would be just like Junho.

It became a fun routine for Junho to spend time with Sejin.

Oftentimes he would ask Sejin if he had any actual classes since he was always available whenever Junho asked him out, but Sejin would always just say that he’s always going to be free for Junho. Eunsang tells him he heard that Sejin never takes a lot of units every semester so he’s practically breezing through college like that.

Aside from spending a lot of time together, the person he talked the most to during college was basically him, even beating Eunsang for that matter. Junho was reserved, but he was talkative whenever he was around Sejin because there was always something that they could talk about, and even when they’re not together Junho’s phone is practically attached to his hand because he can’t stop chatting with Sejin.  From the moment he wakes up in the morning Sejin has a message for him, and until the time he sleeps Sejin is the last person he talks to where he would always send a good night donned with a bunch of star emojis.

“Are you and Sejin hyung dating?” Eunsang asks one day when they’re eating lunch, just the two of them. Eunsang’s girlfriend is off to an international seminar so he actually has time again to spend with Junho.

“Huh? No we’re not.” Junho replies as he chews on his French fry.

“You two seem to be dating. Even Yuvin thinks you two are dating.”

“But we aren’t? I mean—we just spend a lot of time together and talk a lot the whole day. We’re just good friends.” Junho explains, but Eunsang doesn’t seem to buy it.

“Sejin hyung actually makes time for you. Not to be that person but I’m your best friend and even I don’t have that much time for you. He must like you a lot.”

“I think it’s because you’re a crappy friend Eunsang.”

“Shut up, I’m the bestest best friend you’ve ever had. But going back, do you like him?” Eunsang suddenly asks and it catches him off guard. He hadn’t really thought about it, on where does Sejin stand for him. All he knows is that he likes being with Sejin and spending time with him.

“I like him. But just _like_. There’s nothing special about it like I want to marry him or anything. Do things always need to have a label?”

Eunsang sips his juice. “Hmm, point taken. It’s just that, you’ve never really dated anybody and I don’t know what’s hindering you from it. Maybe Sejin hyung is the one for you. You’ll never know unless you try.”

“I’ve always wanted to date—it’s just that, things never go according to my plans I guess? So I just stopped thinking about it. Maybe I’m just that type of person who’s not likeable.”

“Dude, what the hell are you saying—if you’re unlikable then I wouldn’t be here right now; or Sejin hyung!”

“—or what about me?” Sejin slides his tray of food in front of them, sitting adjacently to Junho.

“Junho thinks he’s unlikable.” Eunsang says and Junho hits him in the arm.

“I don’t think that’s true. I like you.” Sejin says as he takes his food off the tray and Eunsang’s eyes widen at Junho mouthing I told you so. “What is this about? Is there anyone who rejected you? Come on we’ll fight that person—“

“As if you can fight hyung—you’re literally the spitting image of kindness.” Junho retorts.

“I’d fight for you Junho. If someone hurts you I’ll protect you.” Sejin says sincerely, and Junho is trying to hide his smile.

“What about me hyung? Would you fight for me as well?” Eunsang asks with a pout and Junho throws a french fry at him as Sejin laughs.

“No, my services are limited for Junho only.” Sejin smiles widely, eyes disappearing behind the folds of his eye line at Junho and he hopes the older boy wasn’t able to see the blush he had on his face.

Junho doesn’t know what to say to that, so he just smiles there as Sejin begins eating his lunch.

* * *

After Eunsang pointed it out, the more that they hung out together—Junho can’t help but think about whether they were a couple or not, whether they were dating or not.

Sejin acted like the way he would act towards someone that he’s interested in, however Junho doesn’t know where he actually stands. They never talk about it, despite them talking about a lot of things, and it’s making Junho confused. _It’s like he’s mine but he’s not?_

It felt odd, to be able to experience the feeling of dating someone you like, but at the same time he doesn’t know if it’s real or not, if this is just a game or a social experiment or Sejin  just has commitment issues the same way he has issues about confessing.

Junho got into thinking, and one night he asked Sejin as he’s lying down on his bed waiting for sleep to arrive.

 _Hyung, what am I to you?_ he asks, albeit feeling shy about it.

_What is Junho to me?_

_Yes_

_Junho is a good friend^^ I can always rely on him._

_And?_

_And?_

_Anything else?_

_What else do you want me to say Junho?^^_

Junho’s phone slips from his hand so it falls on his face and it stings.

What does he want to hear from Sejin? He kept on thinking about it as his phone lay on his stomach waiting for him to type a reply.

He was right then, after all. They weren’t anything, they were just friends. Sejin thinks of him as a friend only that he liked to hang out with but has no interest in staying as anything other than that. Eunsang and the others are just misunderstanding. It was good that he didn’t put any hopes on this one, so it doesn’t hurt than it should.

_Good night? Hehehe_

_Good night Junho^^_

* * *

Eunsang tells him that it’s fine, if Sejin thinks like that. It wasn't Junho's fault. 

They still hang out with Sejin, and Junho thinks that it's like the same with Eunsang. He enjoyed being with Sejin and liked him, but pursuing a romantic relationship with him won't be suitable to both of them. They were better off as friends. 

There’s still someone out there that’s meant for Junho, Eunsang tells him that he believes in it. He just hasn’t met him yet.

* * *

Kim Yohan wasn’t somebody that Junho expected in his life.

When he graduated from university, he got into a cool famous engineering firm in the country and worked there religiously. He was a smart student, and he liked his work, so he easily shone with what he was doing. His output was good and he received incentives on top of compliments, and it was something that made Junho happy. He felt like he finally found his zone and he was good at riding the waves of it.

Kim Yohan came when he was processing his papers for the next level post promotion. He was transferred from another satellite office to lead Junho’s team, and at first Junho felt upset because he was supposed to be promoted to lead that team he’s been working on for years only to be overtook by some nobody.

He didn’t like Yohan at first, at all. Not even when Yohan tried so hard to appeal to their team by treating them out to dinner always, or when Yohan always enforced his inclusivity concept on their team meetings by asking everyone’s ideas and opinions, not even when he was obviously being a good team leader to them. Junho felt robbed and betrayed, and he knows it’s immature and unprofessional but he just can’t help himself to feel like it.  

He acknowledges his presence and does his tasks and things that Yohan gives him, but they don’t go anything beyond just professional acquaintances and civil colleagues.

Yohan confronts him one afternoon a couple of months after he moved in the office. He lead him to one of the conference rooms and they sit down across each other. This is the first time that Junho had truly looked at Yohan, and he couldn’t help but stare at his eyes and the way his hair falls on his face.

“Do you have something you’d like to say to me or anything that’s been on your mind recently?” Yohan asks him directly and he fiddles with his fingers under the table thinking whether he should answer the question honestly or not.

“You don’t really like me don’t you?” Yohan tries again and he sighs.

“It’s the situation you’re in that I didn’t like.” he finally says and Yohan nods.

“I get it. I know it must be weird for me to suddenly come in here and take the team in, and I’ve heard that you were also vying for the spot as well. Your feelings towards me are valid and I acknowledge that.” Yohan pauses, and then leans forward on the table.

“However, this thing between us might make complications for the team in the future should this continue. I don’t expect you to like me suddenly or be chummy with me, all I’m expecting is that we should just get along better professionally so we can work better. I want to us to work together so we can do our tasks together and close all these projects.” Junho nods as Yohan says it.

“I let my emotions get the best of me. I’ll be more professional from now on.” he says as he bows a little and when he looks up at Yohan he has a gentle smile on his face.

“I’m looking forward to it.” Yohan reaches out his hand for a handshake and Junho feels like a teenager holding his crush’s hand for the first time.

The only thing that Junho can think of as he returns to his work station was that Yohan was attractive, and that he doesn’t seem to be as bad as he thought he would be.

He did keep his promise, and began to be more lax towards Yohan. He directly consults him now again with team concerns and they would often find themselves collaborating on new ideas for the project. He finds out that Yohan is funny and a good coworker, as he always knows how to set the mood for the team and lift their morale. He’s starting to see now whey he was chosen to lead the team, and Junho finds himself silly for being immature over it.

Junho had been to preoccupied to think about love after being so cooped up with studies and work. The last person he remembers liking at least a bit more than a friend was Sejin, and it had been for a while. Throughout those years he never got to like anybody else not because he didn’t have time, but because there was nobody that really felt right for him.  

Yohan was, different. Junho didn’t know how but he was just different.

He came out of nowhere and suddenly he’s there, and for some reason as time passes Junho can’t stop looking at him or thinking of him. Junho can’t stop watching him in a meeting and Yohan stands there explaining the design of the new project they have, sleeves rolled up to his shoulders and hair quite messy with his specs on. The way Yohan’s lips move as he talks, makes Junho feel like he’s in a trance. He always ends up asking Minseo’s notes during the meeting, because he can’t just simply take one as Yohan stands there like that—being Kim Yohan.

The butterflies have returned, after a long time of it being caged up and Junho can feel them flutter their wings even stronger than ever.

Yohan was everything anybody could dream of, and Junho felt like even calling him surreal was not enough.

Junho feels weird, when Yohan invites them together for a coffee—just the two of them, to discuss about the team but during the coffee they never really talk about the team because Yohan would ask him stuff about his life. Junho feels weird—when he knows that the entire team is there but Yohan’s focus would be just on him. Junho feels weird, when Yohan says that he isn’t interested in Minha from HR or Eunseo from Finance or any of the girls in the company, because he likes guys. Junho feels weird, when Yohan asks him if he likes anybody and he says no, and Yohan lights up a smile at him like a freshly bought flashlight—bright and blinding—saying that it’s good to hear, because he likes Junho.

They were in the pantry then, and Junho’s eyes widen and he was surprised that he almost dropped the plate he was holding.

“Sorry?” Junho says, making Yohan chuckle.

“I said I like you.” Yohan repeats after him as he stands there leaning on the counter.

“What do you mean—“

“I like you. Cha Junho. More than what you’re thinking of.”

Junho’s taking some time process the information as it came out of nowhere and he’s just there standing with a plate of half heated food in his hands. He’s flustered and he knows his ears are beet red now.

“But why?” he asks, and Yohan smiles.

“I would list a hundred reasons why, but does it need to have a reason to like you?” Yohan asks with his eyebrows raised playfully and Junho can feel his cheeks heat up.  

“I’m not expecting you to say that you like me back immediately or anything. I just wanted you to know. In case you might get other ideas, but I’m all yours.” Yohan is plain fully honest, and Junho appreciates it.

He thinks about it for the next few days after that.

Nothing has changed with Yohan, he still treats Junho the same, but knowing the confession from the other day everything makes sense now. He finds himself zoning out at work, and not knowing what to do or think. Dongpyo keeps on snapping fingers in front of him to bring him to his senses, and he always returns back to reality with an embarrassed laugh and the face of Yohan still etched in his mind.

Yohan in the office was nice, but Yohan outside of office hours was something else.

He doted on Junho, asked him out for coffee, for dinner, for everything that can be asked out for. Junho doesn’t have the heart to say no—but only because he actually likes spending time with Yohan. He feels like his younger self having a crush for the first time when he’s with him, and the feeling is exhilarating. Yohan makes him feel like a child again, and the butterflies that used to be just in his stomach feel like they’re rising up from his stomach to his lungs—whether it’s just a walk out by the river or an impromptu convenience store date.

It’s the first time that Junho had experienced getting a confession like that, and he doesn’t know what to do. He does like Yohan, the more that he spends time with him, but he doesn’t know how to tell him. He’d always been hesitant of confessing his love and always just kept it in, for some reason.

Eunsang asks him what is he so afraid of in confessing, and thinking about it hard Junho couldn’t answer his question.

He musters up the courage one night, when the whole team had left already and it’s only him and Yohan left. He’s almost done with his work but Yohan is still cooped up in his corner, tapping away on the computer with his eyeglasses on.

Junho approaches him on his table, and it doesn’t take him a second to look up from his desk and give a small smile to Junho.

“What is it?” Yohan says as he leans back on his chair.

Junho slides a folder on his table and Yohan raises an eyebrow.

"What's this?" Yohan asks as he opens the folder, and Junho could see the way Yohan's expression change as he reads the content of the file.

_"This is in response to the memorandum I received a while back, regarding Engineer Kim Yohan's declaration, also defined under the Employee Code of Conduct as “Sudden Confession,” I hereby deny any defense, and hence, assume full responsibility for any repercussions my silence and lack of response has incurred to the operations and resources of the company, most especially to Engineer Kim Yohan. In line with that, I, Cha Junho, hereby issue a formal response on the said memorandum, by formally accepting Engineer Kim Yohan's confession and feelings towards the latter."_

Yohan has broken into a huge grin as he reads the letter out loud and beams at Junho.

"You're so cute, Cha Junho. I can't believe this. You could've just told me you liked me." Yohan is overjoyed as he looks at Junho in disbelief. "Now my confession feels like it lacked effort from my end."

"Don't worry, it's the thought that counts." Junho says as he bites a smile but it still breaks out of him. 

"God I like you so much. Love you even." Yohan smiles at him even wider than the last time if it was even physically possible, and the butterflies inside Junho flutter from head to toe. The feeling is elevating, and he feels light. 

"I like you too Yohan."

"Finally."

* * *

There was nothing really special about Junho's life, or his love life, except for maybe the fact that he only felt butterflies when he likes someone. But among all the flowers he liked, Kim Yohan was the one that his butterflies liked the most.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> you can leave a kudos and a comment here and also talk to me on [twitter](twitter.com/sincerelyhys) heheh


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